Substitutes for Flesh Foods

Episode Transcript

Kristen, today's recipe is a little nutty. Oh, that's perfect. It matches our personalities. Exactly. If this recipe were a person, it would definitely be one of us. Oh, like quirky, slightly chaotic, held together by a wing and a prayer. You know it. Now, let's stop loafing around and go make this thing.

Welcome to Mom's Wooden Spoon, where the recipes are retro and so are your hosts. You can say that again.

[Music]

We are back at mom's wooden spoon. So, today No. Yeah. Okay. Let me try again. A few episodes ago. Yeah. We did the disaster. That was the carrot souffle. Oh, it was so bad. So gross. And at that time, we had high expectations. That was going to be our good one. Yeah. And we promised you that we would do a nasty one. Yeah. Well, today is the day of the nasty one, which you know, I'm kind of rethinking. Yeah. Cuz the carrot souffle was so bad that Do we want to go with something that's in fact potentially bad? You know what's going to happen? This one's going to be so tasty probably. No, I I can't imagine. You got to tell everybody what it is. Okay. It ain't going to be tasty. So, we're back to the 1973 Pennsylvania Dutch recipe box. Yes. And what we are going to make for you today nut loaf. It's actually nut roast. Really? Yeah. Look at the recipe Carrie. It does say nut roast. Yes. I looked it up. Well I'm calling it nut loaf. It is a loaf. It is. I think it's supposed to be like the vegetarian option for meatloaf. It is. And you want to know what's funny? Uh I was looking at the bottom of the recipe card again to find out what are we supposed to serve with this nut roast. Right. Sure. Mashed potatoes. Yeah. No. Tomato and lettuce salad. Boring. Asparagus spears. Oh, yum. I mean, fine. Those suckers. Baked potatoes. So, I mean, there's that. And then butterscotch pudding. But there's a caveat at the bottom of it. Butterscotch pudding from the kitchens of Dorothy Taylor. Oh. So I researched Dorothy Taylor. Right. Yeah. Well, obvy. And the only thing I could find about her was one website with a tag that said, "Who the f is Dorothy Taylor?" And I would have to second that comment. I couldn't find it. But I did finally find her picture on the original advertisement for these recipe cards. And here she is, Carrie. Dorothy Taylor. So Dorothy must be 30 something in this picture cuz she looks 50. Yeah. And that's what happened in the 70s. They look super old. Yes. When you put an 80-year-old woman's hair-do on a 30-year-old woman, they look 50. Split the middle. That's right. It's a blonde helmet of hair. It is. She's wearing one of those high collared blouses with a dressy jacket. Oh, she looks fancy. Fancy Dorothy. So, was Dorothy a part of the recipe writing of this? Was she referencing herself? Is that kind of like talking about yourself in the third person? I think it is. Oh my. Dorothy Taylor. Because I think she must have come up with all these recipes, but again, who the f is Dorothy Taylor? There was zero info about her other than her picture on the ad for this mailaway recipe box. Yeah, that's hilarious. But maybe that means somewhere in there box there's a recipe for butterscotch pudding, right? I searched on the interwebs for that as well cuz I would way rather eat butterscotch pudding than nut roast. No, couldn't find it anywhere. Uhhuh. Interesting. All right. So Kristen is wearing an apron today. Yes. It is the body of a green superhero. He's got great abs. Yeah. The problem is is that it's folded over. And I'm only telling you this cuz I can't stop staring at her. I wondered why she was staring at my tatas. The way it's folded over, it looks like she's got the droopiest boobs in the world. It's an apron, but it's it's a guy's chest, so her boobs are in her six-pack. There. How about if I There. Is that better, Carrie? It is better. It does help. Like the Green Lantern or the droopy boobs. It really needs a lift. It needs a lift. It was bad, y'all. I had a hard time taking her seriously. Okay, so before we go any further. Yes. I feel like I need to make a PSA. Oh, that stands for public service announcement, right? Yes. Okay, good. Yay. That's what I'm doing. Oh, okay. So, the title of this recipe is nut roast. Yes. And as we have learned over the last few years, Kristen and I have the sense of humor of an eighth grade boy. Absolutely. And once again, let me reiterate the title of this is Nut Roast. We know the fun Carrie had with sauerkraut balls. Oh, yeah. It's not going to stop at the sauerkraut balls, people. Carrie. So, all I'm saying is if you are planning on listening to this in the car with your younger child, if you are planning on putting this on speaker phone in a public place like a church, please don't. I am telling you now, we will be inappropriate. And by we, I mean me. Carrie. Yes, only Carrie. I have really great things to talk about and none of them are inappropriate. I have nut jokes All right, on that note, tell them what other than nuts is going into this nut roast, Carrie. Yeah. So, I mean, it it's really, y'all, it's a meatloaf. So, there's nuts, there's eggs, there's bread crumbs, yup everything you'd put in a meatloaf. And then you got to, you know, spice it up. So, we've got a little celery and onion. And then some spicing. We're going with poultry seasoning. Yep and some browning sauce. I purchased Kitchen Bouquet ooh la la in its lovely golden yellow packaging straight from the 70s. I do remember having this in the pantry. Yeah. Yeah. In the 70s. Well, guess what? I researched Kitchen Bouquet, Carrie. Oh, did you? Yeah. Because I wondered who came up with this idea because basically it's caramel coloring. Okay. And maybe a tiny bit of flavor, but mostly it's just to make things look pretty and brown. Interesting. Yeah. Gravy and and other sauces. It's called seasoning sauce, you know. Yeah. You know, I assumed it was more like liquid smoke, but you're saying No, there's no smoke whatsoever. There's just a little bit of like vege vegetable broth type broth. Vege broth. Yep. Okay. So, it all began in 1882 when a European candy maker was experimenting with caramels. Huh. He created this delicious flavored gravy by adding in a combination of spices and vegetable juice to a caramel base. His invention called a Kitchen Bouquet browning sauce went on to win all types of culinary awards and then became like this staple in American kitchens. Well, I'll be doggone. I know, right? It was. It looks 70s. It's red. It does. Let's taste it and see if there's any flavor to it. Okay. Okay. I'm going to dip my finger up in there. No, I'll just dip my finger in this little um That's really gross. You go first. It's very sticky. Look at that. Very dark. You go first. Oh, it's slightly Oh, you snorted. I did. Oh, it's slightly sweet. Huh? Yeah. All right. I'm going put my thumb over the top and then flip it over. Yeah. I mean, there's a flavor to it and there's nothing strong. It's certainly not smoky at all. It's very sticky. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just Just like Kristen said. Without the snort because I'm the couth one out of the two of us. Oh, yeah. out of the two of us, that's for sure. All right, I'm going to start chopping the celery because there's a lot of chip chop chopping to do. Although, we've already chopped the pecans. We've ground the walnuts. We've crumbed the bread. So, Kristen just needs to get going grating the onion and chopping the celery. The longer that kitchen bouquet sits on your tongue, the yuckier it becomes. Oh, really? Yeah. So, okay. a while. Kristen chops the celery. I'm noticing it's kind of loud. Yeah. So, I'll go ahead and crack the eggs. Okay. There's three of them. And I'm going to beat them. Beat them. Good lord. Okay. So, I was asking the internet how this nut roast is supposed to taste. How did you ask the internet that? I said, "How does nut roast taste?" And AI said, "It says nut roast tastes savory, rich, and nutty. Please with an umami flavor similar to meat but distinct from it. What? Well, thank you, Captain Obvious. Exactly. Thank goodness we have AI people. It is definitely making us smarter. No kidding. That was disappointing. That was so bad. And then I looked up when was the first nut roast or nut loaf published and it was actually published in 1899 in a Ameda Lambert's guide for nut cookery. Nut cookery. But then the best one EG Fulton included two nut roast recipes in her 1904 vegetarian cookbook Substitutes for Flesh Foods. Oh yuck. I know, right? Oh yucky. substitutes for flesh. Flesh foods. Ew. If you're trying to stop your cannibalistic ways, I mean, if you're a vegetarian because you don't like flesh foods, this is the loaf for you. I'm curious what EG stands for because those could be some those are some pretty That is very loud chopping. I'm sorry. Those are some, you know, is it like Eugenia Gordon? Yes. Exactly. Yeah. And is it a man or a woman? Well, you said she Oh, it's her. I said her. Okay. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. So, while Kristen's making all this noise in the background, I'm gonna make the eggs. We're just gonna be loud. Okay. Here we go.

Oh, hold the Well, wagon is coming down the street. Oh, please let it be for me. Bonk

Oh, goodness. Who knew that we could be so musical. I know. Uh  people knew. Yeah, they knew. I've been trying to save you all. That was a very impressive cutting. I think a chef Chef Ramsay would be proud. EG EG Fulton would be proud of me. I'll tell you that. Heck yes. Yes. Okay. So, then I started thinking about vegetarians who don't eat flesh foods and all the crap they must go through. And boy, when I researched it, they went through some crazy stuff like going to a a special dinner and they had let everybody know that they were vegetarians, but the restaurant was like a four star restaurant and provided them with lettuce leaves with raw tomatoes on the top for their entree. Oh, sure. I mean, terrible stuff like that. But um I wrote down uh some of the funniest stories of the terrible things that happened to these poor vegetarians who are just desperately trying to eat food, you know. Right. Sure. Not fleshy. So I found one about a person who was overseas and here was the story. Searched for hours in an old French market town for any kind of vegan option, but there was nothing. Eventually decided to go to a pizza place and just asked for a fairly plain pizza with no cheese. The guy was shocked when I said no cheese, but agreed that it could be done. So, the pizza was brought out. There was no cheese to be seen, but he felt like the pizza was too basic, so he covered it in ham for me. Oh, just trying to be kind. Yep. You know what's funny? When I looked for funny vegetarian stories, Yeah. They were mostly about people who worked in vegetarian focused restaurants. And had customers come in and um I I'm so sorry that let that lettuce the celery celery is so loud. I'm so sorry, but I'm going to cut your story anyway. So, just keep talking, Carrie. Y'all can't see me, but I'm uh I'm saying hello to her rudely with one finger Yeah. Mhm. No. No. Chop away. Kristen, it's just a 1/4 cup. I think you got there. You think? Please stop. Please stop. Are you going to stop? Nope. I'm going to finish this up right here. Of course, cuz we don't want to not What's your story Carrie? Well, I've got to tell you in just a second. You're almost done. Borring. Okay. So, it was a waiter. He worked at a vegetarian restaurant. Somebody came in and said, "I would like the quiche." Is there cheese in that? Yeah. And uh he said, "We can, you know, remove the the cheese. That's no problem, but it's filled with eggs." They were vegan. Yeah. Yes. But cheese is not vegan. I need you to tell me about the cheese. and he's like, "Yes, we have a vegan cheese option, but the kiche has eggs in it." It just went back and forth and back and forth with the waiter arguing with the customer. Yeah. Because the waiter is concerned that they're serving a vegan eggs and the vegan is concerned that they're going to get cheese and they cannot seem to communicate through that. Wow. And apparently it was his first day on the job and he served the person an eggy quiche with vegan cheese on the top of it. Yeah. and went back to the back and he's like, "I'm gonna I'm going to run into this a whole lot, aren't I?" And they're like, "Oh, yeah. Really?" Yeah. So, as

she sucks, y'all, she sucks. I don't know if you can hear, but I'm cutting a really crumbly onion now. I don't know how you couldn't hear it. Just wait till I start grating it right while Carrie's telling her story. Um, so it seems like the stupidity, we'll call it. Yeah. Goes on both sides. Both sides. Okay. Well, then I'll tell you another one on the side of the idiot who's providing the food. Okay. Perfect. Okay. Uh, one time a friend ordered a veggie dog listed as such on the menu at a restaurant and no joke, they brought out a cooked carrot in a hot dog bun. Oh. So, okay. So, my husband for heart health has been eating vegetarian. I mean, that's why we're making this nut roast basically. Really? We saw it and I was like, "Oh, well, maybe we'll he can eat that at home. It would give him a nice meal." No meat. That would be a good choice. Yeah. Let me peel this onion while you tell the story. Right. Please make noise while I try to speak. Yep. So, anyway, he went someplace and they had a vegetarian hot dog on the menu. Yeah. He got kind of excited, so he ordered it and it was onions and bell peppers sauteed in a hot dog bun. That was it. That was it. You know, they make veggie dogs. That's what he thought he was getting. Yeah. No, it was literally vegetables in a bun. That's crazy talk. It is. Wow. Yeah. It's not an easy life choice. I'll be honest. I know. I don't think it really is. I'm going to tell you one more and then I'll grate the onion because I don't want to mess up my story. Right. Oh, we've all noticed. Yeah. All right. This one says, "I was at a Mexican restaurant and ordered the bean burrito, but the refried beans had lard in it." Right. So, they said that they would just substitute whole beans. Great. But what they gave me was beans wrapped in a tortilla. No lettuce, no tomatoes, no rice. Literally nothing but beans in a tortilla. Perfect. Yum, yum, yum, yum. I mean, that's delightful. Yeah. All right, hold on. I'm going to grate this sucker. I think I only need Oh goodness. I need two tablespoons of this. This is going to take a while. Okay, bye. [Music]

All right, Kristen got the onion grated. There is just onion juice galore. Everywhere, and I'll share the story. I might have shared this once before, but when I was very young in church, uh, summer church camp, I don't know what we were doing, but we all had to grade a carrot and they I was the last person to go and I just got the little nub of the carrot and I grated my finger. That hurt, but I was too embarrassed to tell anybody and so I wrapped my finger in my shirt and just bled all over it in church. Yeah. Oh, I bet mom liked that. Yeah, I think she got mad if I recall correctly that they gave me the little nub. Oh, and let let a little kid hurt themselves like that. Yeah. Nobody was paying any attention that I'm, you know, bleeding all over the carrot. I don't know if we ate the carrot, you know, um grates or not, but somebody got a piece of skin skin delicious. That would not be vegetarian. Carrie, that would be eating flesh. Eating flesh all the way. Oh my goodness. Okay. So, we have the two tablespoons of grated onion and the celery in there. Let's see. I think we just dump everything in. Yeah. And then we grease the bowl pan. You want to start greasing the loaf pan? Sure. And then we bake it. Dump it. Yeah. Wow. This is really quite easy. It really is. Evaporated milk. That's unusual. You don't usually put 1 and 1/2 cups of evaporated milk into a meatloaf. No, that's true. And let me share the genius that is my sister. And I'm not being sarcastic. What, you're not? I know. Oh, I was gonna interrupt her and say, "Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We don't need to talk about this." Yeah. No, she did something. I thought it was pretty smart. Oh, thank you. So, we She's got the measuring cup to measure one and 1/2 cups of evaporated milk. Yeah. And then she goes, "Oh, wait a minute. This already is one and a half cups because you bought 12 ounces." And I said, Huh? And she said, "Uh, yeah. One cup is eight ounces. Like uh everybody knows this, Carrie, just like you use the Pythagorean theorem to calculate the angles of a right triangle. Duh. And um so anyway, I didn't say it that way. She totally said it that way. But that's not the point of the story. The point of the story is is that she knew what eight ounces was one cup of milk. And then she quickly calculated that half of eight is four. You add four plus eight and you have 12. And boom. Carrie's 12 oz jar of evaporated milk is exactly what we needed. Well, while Carrie's praising me, I'm going to praise her. She got exactly the right amount of milk and she didn't even know it. I had no flipping clue. Wow. It's just what they sell. Wow. Carrie, it's a good thing I didn't go cheap and buy little one. I was going to say that. We would have not had enough. No. Okay, so we are going to now dump in one cup of soft whole wheat breadcrumbs bloop. And since you all are wondering why did Carrie bring up the Pythagorean theorem in her little rant, right? Tell you. Please do. This is one of my favorite stories. Oh, my husband is a math professor. Yes. He's retired now. He was a math professor, but he still maths. Yeah, he maths. Real good. Yes. So, my foyer is two stories tall. Yes. And you can walk upstairs and the landing is open to the foyer. Yeah. Above the front door in the foyer is a window. And I decided I wanted to put shutters on the inside of the house on either side of the window. Yeah. If you think that's stupid, sit back in judgment. No problem. It's just a part of the story. So, I'm looking at this window and I need to know how tall the window is so I can buy appropriately sized shutters, right? And it's it's high up there. I do not have a ladder that's going to get me up that far, right, to be able to measure it. So, I'm trying to figure out what to do and I decide, "Oh, I've got a laser level laser measurer." So, I go upstairs. I put the laser measure on the banister or railing and I measure from the railing to the bottom of the window. Yeah. And I get whatever distance that is. Then I take the laser measure and I leave it on the railing and I just tilt it up. Yeah. And I then measure the distance from the railing to the top of the window. because I now have calculated two sides of a right triangle. Oh, yeah. And so now all I have to do is look up the equation for a right triangle. Wow! Put in my two numbers and calculate the third side of the right triangle. Carrie! I felt like a math genius. I mean, I never would have thought of that. I thought I was the smart I thought of that. Yes. I mean, that's that's impressive. Like my high school math teacher would sit I mean she knew the math I did. She would have sat back in awe. Oh heck yeah. Yes. Yeah. So I am proudly sharing this story with my husband. Yeah. Because I'm impressive. Oh yeah. And I wanted him to know. And I get to the end of the story and he says, "You didn't know the formula for calculating the side of a right triangle." What? Number two time that we almost got divorced.

Oh my gosh. That would have been a throat punch moment if there ever was one. I just looked at him in shock and horror. Oh, he should have been appreciative of your vast knowledge. Where is my praise in adulation? I don't know what adulation is, but I wanted it and you deserved it Carrie. I got nothing. Nothing. He criticized that I didn't know. Scary. I'm sorry. How rude. Yeah. He's like, it's the Pythagorean theorem. Oh, good grief. And I said, well, I know that now cuz I looked it up. Now, would you like to know the first time we almost got divorced? Oh, no. Sure. If you're putting all your family business out there, why not? Go for it. I was pregnant. I was very pregnant. I was a good eight months pregnant. And as you know, or you may have heard, when you're largely pregnant, you go to the bathroom about 75 times in the middle of the night. Oh, yeah. And on this occasion, we have like a little toilet room in our our master bath. Yeah. So, I head on in. I sit down. He had gone to the bathroom and not put the toilet seat down. So, I fell into the toilet. I couldn't get out because my center, you know, got a big belly and it's all pushing me back into the toilet. I can't get out of the toilet. Then, what do you do? Do I call and wake him up? Is he gonna wake? What do you do? I finally was able to push my body forward enough that I could grab the doorway and pull myself out. Okay. So, just to add a little pain to the story, we don't flush in the middle of the night. So, then I have to get in the shower. Oh, no. You sat in pee water. Ew. Yeah. That was the first time you almost got divorced. We twice.

Carrie, I expected this to just be chalk full of nuts and very little liquid. It is so liquidy. It's soupy. It is soup. It's going to cook for a long time, right? I hope so. 30 to 40 minutes. I don't know that that's long enough. All right. Have we added in all of the flavorings? We have not added any flavorings. And we haven't added the oil, which is going to add more liquid to this. How much oil do you add? Three tablespoons. Oh, I mean, I'm getting concerned Sorry about that. That was a loud oil. Is that bad oil? Brand new. I just bought it. It's brand new. There's like hardly anything left. We used it to fry the sauerkraut balls. Oh Ooh! speaking of balls. Oh no. Kristen, I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. Really? If I'm honest, it was a rocky road. That was terrible. But at least it wasn't naughty hold on Okay, Kristen. Yeah. What's the difference between beer nuts? Yeah. And deer nuts? I I don't know. Beer nuts are about a buck 50 a pound. Deer nuts are under a buck. Oh, naughty. Naughty yet cute. Naughty yet cute. Oh my goodness. This takes an entire teaspoon of salt. Do you remember when we put one teaspoon of salt in the carrot souffle? Yeah. And this is about the same amount of liquid as carrot souffle. Yeah. Oy. Yoy Yoy Yep. Did we add in the browning sauce? We did not. How much do we need in Kitchen bucket? Kitchen bucket. Uh, one teaspoon. Okay. Okay. You're gonna I'll do it. Okay. More liquid. Oh my gosh. It is like a runny cake batter. Really? It's shockingly runny. Okay. And then we need the half a teaspoon of poultry seasoning of all things. I wonder why poultry. Why not steak? Ooh, steak seasoning might taste better. Look how brown this looks after it. I should have done a before and after. That I know. Cuz it looked like a regular vanilla cake prior to adding in that kitchen bouquet. And now it really looks like maybe um a turkey gravy color or It kind of is. It looked kind of like vomit before. Now it looks like poo poo. Get a good picture of that poo poo. What everybody wants to see when we're making nut loaf. Were you going to tell us another um Oh, I have a long one. Funny joke. Yeah. All right. What does a pirate say when he gets kicked in the nuts? What? Menards. Menards. Menards. Save big money at Menards that's hilarious. All right. I have to pour this in here. This liquidy liquidy nutloaf. Yep. Okay. So, I am not sure this is going to turn out. I can't imagine it's going to come together. It'll be interesting. Wow. And and knowing that we were probably going to screw this up, I actually found an article stating the common mistakes you should avoid when cooking with nuts. Oh. Aka ways we are going to most likely screw up this recipe. What we are going to do. Yeah. Okay. Here they are. Okay. forgetting to toast your nuts. And we're screwed. Oh, we didn't toast them. But it didn't ask for toast for it. It didn't ask for it. Okay, here's another one. Cooking with pre- chopped nuts. Oh, we did that. And we're screwed because we use pre- chopped walnuts. Now, we did grind them ourselves, but they were pre-chopped. Hmm how about this one? Thinking all nuts are equal. Oh, they're not. They're not. walnuts yucky pecans delicious. That's right. It says, "Unless you're a nut afficionado, it might not be easy to notice the nuances and flavor that differentiate the different varieties." Really nut afficionado? I am certainly not a nut afficionado. No, but I I have had my fair share of mixed nuts and I am fully aware of when I am chomping on a macadamia versus a pecan. True. All right. And here's another one. Forgetting to soak your nuts. And we're screwed. Although we're soaking them right now in this liquidy liquidy batter. That's true. Yeah. So, maybe we're not as screwed as we think. Oh, I'm sure we are. I'm sure we are. I'm still chuckling. My eighth grade boy is chuckling cuz you said, "Soak your nuts." Soak your nuts. All right. We have heated the oven to 350. We are going to put this liquidy liquidy loaf in there. Cook it for 30 to 40 minutes until lightly browned. I don't know how we're going to notice if it's lightly brown with kitchen bouquet in there, but I don't know. We're out of here, people. [Music] After a lot of cooking, a lot a lot of checking and adding time, we think we got it pretty good. But it did take about an extra 10 minutes of baking. It did. Yes. And we've let it cool, which is so rare for us. It is. It is. Yes. And it's actually shrunk a lot. When we first took it out of the oven, it looked like the size of like a banana bread. It was really pretty. It puffed up Yes. And now it is no longer puffed. No, it's pretty flat. It is kind of brown like a meatloaf would be. Yeah. Very much. I think if you did not add in that kitchen bouquet, it would be anemic. Anemic color. Yes. It would be like a taupe color. You know, like the color of a turkey burger. Yes. Which are really when they're cooked, they look gray. They do not look appealing. No, they do not. No, they taste great. Well, I'm so sure that this is probably going to be an epic fail that um because bakers online constantly mention that their nut loaves when they cut into them, they just turn into a powder. Oh, okay. Yeah. that I researched some other people's baking fails to make us feel better when we cut into this and it's awful. You did not research ways to save it after No, I I researched, you know, what we were doing wrong with the nuts, first. Yeah. So, I just thought it would make us feel better to hear about other people and their epic fails. I I'm always feel better by other people's failures. Cool. Me, too. Me, too. All right. So, this one made me laugh. Sibling and I were making chocolate crinkles. I was talking to mom while my sibling was behind her using mom's handheld mixer. The mixer motor gives up in the stiff dough in a cloud of smoke. While my sibling is desperately trying to fan the smoke away from my mom, I'm desperately trying to keep mom's attention. Wait, no, I don't smell smoke. What are you talking about? Oh, look at this. I kept it up for maybe 10 minutes before the jig was up. Unfortunately, crinkles take longer than my entertainment capabilities. We did not escape mom's wrath over the demise of her mixer. I thought that was good. I think they could have, you know, plied her with cookies. Yes. I mean, that would have worked for me all the time. Always. Okay. Here's another one that you as a cake baker would appreciate. Okay. Yep. I was icing a layer cake on a stand next to the sink. Unfortunately, I did not let the cake cool long enough, making the icing a bit melty. I spun the stand a little too hard and the whole cake flew into the sink. Oh, no. No. Oh, so sad. Okay, this is totally off the subject, but I'm going to tell you anyway. Have you heard of people, and maybe it's maybe they're lying and they just do it for like the rage baiting. Oh. But have you heard of people that um mix their meals like they're going to do, I don't know, like a huge batch of spaghetti and meatballs. Okay. So, they get everything ready in these huge pots, but to put it all together, you really can't. So, they put it in the sink. Oh, I have heard of that. Ew, ew, ew, ew. There is not enough bleach in this world. No. That would let me do that. No, I don't. Does that really happen, do you think? I don't know. It might be just something to catch views. Like rage bait Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because obviously it wants a reaction and you gave it because Oh my gosh. The filth. I mean, even when I scrub my sink, poured boiling water in my sink or bleached it. No. I just wouldn't feel like it was clean enough. Our sink is currently having an issue. You put water down and then you turn the garbage disposal, it pops out the other side. Oh, no. And a lot of times you can stop it so the water doesn't come out but the sewer gases come out and the other side is where I put the clean dishes. And so I wash them all again. Yeah. And and my family is like, "Well, they didn't get any water on them." I'm like, "They got touched by sewage gas." No. No. No thank you. I wash them all over again. Yeah. So, I mean, I can't even imagine prepping something or making a big batch of cocktails in your sink or something. Of course, you know what? The alcohol would kill off a bunch of stuff in the sink. I have been in college and I have partaken of some bathtub hooch. Oh, yeah. And we had trash can parties where we poured all the booze into the trash can. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Trash cans theoretically you just went out and purchased and hopefully take the trash out first. Yeah, that would be nice. bathtubs. People were, you know, showering in em. Oh, oy scary. Never crossed my mind that I should look for a soap scum ring. That is gross and funny. Yeah. Oh. Oh, I was gross. Okay, let's let's talk about one more. Well, it's not that fail. No. Well, it kind of was a scary fail. It said I was like five and making a ganache and then in parenthesis sounds fancy, but really it's just melting chocolate and cream to make tasty good. and something went horribly wrong with the microwave and it started smoking and a portion of the microwave door melted all in under 60 seconds. It honestly gave me a lifelong bit of apprehension when using microwaves. She said, "I'm absolutely convinced that when a microwave wants to die, it doesn't just crap the bed, it tries to take everyone out with it." I mean, that's insane. Insane. And can you imagine being a little girl just trying to make ganache in the microwave for your ice cream and having the door melt off? She must have felt terrible. Oh, I thought it was all her fault cuz kids, you know, and then my mom's going to kill me. Yeah. And Oh, the radiation. I know, right? Ganache in the microwave. It is super easy. You take chocolate chips, you pour a splash of whipping cream in there, you melt it in the microwave. It is hot fudge topping for ice cream. It is so good. That is not how we made it for the bumpy cake. It is not. We screwed that thing up. Right. Good. I don't think we screwed it up cuz it was delicious. It was delicious. Was a little hard. Yeah. But delicious. That's true. I have an epic fail tail. Oh, do you? Now, but it involves nuts. Oh, no. I picked this one because this is a vegetarian dish. Yes. And this also includes a vegetarian. Oh my. Let's hear. Okay. It was a Reddit post about uh kicked in the nards tales. I got a story. Nice. It involves overconfidence and booze. Oh no. Okay. But one weekend we had a party and naturally this involved heavy drinking. Anyhoo who had one party goer who was vegan, vegetarian, one of the two. Should be noted the host who is a friend had a vegan for a roommate. Oh, okay. Okay. So now we've got the story. Yes. All right. When it was time to get food, I was absolutely adamant because I was drunk that he wouldn't have anything that he could eat as a vegan. So, he bet a kick in the nuts. So, no food drunkie kick in the nuts. Oh, no. He didn't really have an if I win happens scenario. He didn't he didn't win. He got kicked in the nuts cuz there was vegan food for there was vegan food. He was drunk and adamant and that was the tale. Bad bad move. Bad choice. But he lived to tell the tale on Reddit. So we could share it on the podcast. I have another one. Oh, okay. It has less of a happy ending. Oh no. But the whole thing made me laugh. Okay. Well, we need a good laugh before we dig into a joke. So, we got Okay. All right. I'm just gonna stick with me people. Let's do it. Laughs shall abound. Yeah. Okay. So, here's another in that same post of their story. I was crossing a barbed wire fence, lost grip on the bottom wire. It slingshots up into my giblets. End of the day, my lefticle, I kid you not, that's what he wrote, is no longer with us. No, he lost his lefticle to the barbwire fence slingshot. That's a horrible story, but it's so funny. The words he chose were hilarious. Oh my gosh. This is not safe for work, folks. Just a reminder. Not safe for work. Okay, so I have one more nut joke. Okay. Uh, this one is safe for work. You can let you can let me hear. Okay, it's great. All right. On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up bucketfulls of nuts and sat down by the tree out of sight and began dividing up the nuts. One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me, said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down towards the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. Very spooky. He slowed down to investigate, and sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me." He knew just what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. And just around the bend, he met an old man with a cane hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy. "You won't believe what I heard." "Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls." "Oh," the man said. "Beat it, kid. Can't you see it's hard for me to walk?" That's my old man voice. Nice. Yeah. When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence, they heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence. Yet, they still were unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they were trying to just get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done." They said the old man had the lead for a good half mile before the kid on the bike passed him. That's funny. Isn't that cute? That was funny. I bet I bet some pants were wet in that situation. I thought that that was good. I found a whole website of nut jokes. That's funny. And some of them you have to click that you are 18 and older because they may contain Lewd content. Oh no. And you've shared some of those today, Carrie. I did not do all of those. Oh no. Shall we cut into this? Oh yeah, let's do it. Okay, let's see if it is an epic fail. It looks honestly far better than I thought it would. Maybe we should have taken it out of the loaf pan cuz getting the spatula in here might be tricky. But let's see what I can do. I mean, it sounds like the worst we're going to do is make it disintegrate. And that's kind of par. Oh, unbelievable. That's beautiful looking. It looks like meatloaf. That is unbelievable. Gorgeous. Now, I mean, it may taste like total crap. It smells like stove top stuffing. It's beautiful. Unbelievable. I I've said that twice now. Three times. Four times How do you feel, Kristen? Is it believable? I don't think so. I really don't think so. Could this be our winner out of the two dishes? I mean, that would be shocking. Okay, so I'm gonna go first. First, okay, I am blown away the texture. It's honestly, it is more souffle than our carrot flipping souffle. The nuts have not all sunk to the bottom. It looks lovely I am blown away. The poultry seasoning smells yummy in it. Now, Carrie's going for a small bite. Well, I was going to do a big bite and then I thought I might be chewing for a while. Oh, that's true. And making mouth noises like you got the misoponia. I didn't want to upset you. Carrie is all about the texture. So, I'll be interested to see what she thinks about the texture of this. That I'm not done chewing it. Yeah, that is truly delightful. No. Mhm. This is good. I would absolutely eat that. Kristen took a bite, didn't wait for me, and she's just standing there in shock and awe. That's good. It is. It is truly delightful. I enjoy that. That was not hard to make. Not one bit. I may take this recipe home to my husband. Oh my gosh, this is good. It's moist. Mhm. It's tender. You would think that that was meatloaf. Yes, there is definitely the poultry seasoning gives it a meaty Mhm. taste. It's not exactly meat, but it is delightful. I am blown away. Like, this we did as the heartiest of jokes. We really did. We were trying to pick a disgusting one to make you all laugh cuz we knew carrot souffle was going to be just epically delicious. Yeah. And this was going to be laugh your fool head off as it's disgustingness. And we were wrong. It flip-flopped. Wow. Crazy. Holy crap. All right. Well, we're done. That's it. We're walking away right now. Yep. We will be back on March 9th. So, come on back and see us then. We are heading back to do a regional dish. Something hopefully that is truly delightful. Yes. I have been looking forward to this next one all season long. It is from a friend of mine in Minnesota. It is a regional favorite to them. Yes. And I'm feeling confident that it is going to be a Carrie favorite after Nutloaf. Of course, after Nutloaf. See y'all.

Thanks for listening to Mom's Wooden Spoon. If you like what you heard, don't forget to subscribe. If you want a copy of this recipe or to see the pictures and other items from this episode, go to our website, momswoodspoon.com. If you'd rather, check us out on Facebook or Instagram. Pick your poison. Don't say poison. We're making food. There is a children book called Dee's Nuts. There's this Scottish guy reading it. He's got this gorgeous Scottish brogue and he's just laughing. I mean, he's crying as he's laughing. Dee's big nuts. Dee was a squirrel who had big nuts. His nut sack was so big

that it would drag on the ground everywhere he went.